Original Poems:
Frew
A strange poem by Mat
Frew is cooking up a stew with lovely bones to crunch and chew
He dislikes the color blue
If you trespass, he shall gobble you
Sometimes he likes to eat glue
Honestly Frew, how could you?
Sometimes he enjoys a nice pair of shoes
But not to wear on his feet, but to eat
Stop this Frew
No can do
Even though I am his creator, I do not know what to do
Frew Frew Frew
What am I gonna do with you?
Well, you see, you could give me some more bones to chew
Or some lovely tea
Tis very pleasing to me
I don't even know about myself mum
I shall stay like this until my time has come
For I am the only one
That you call your elfin son
Frew
A strange poem by Mat
Frew is cooking up a stew with lovely bones to crunch and chew
He dislikes the color blue
If you trespass, he shall gobble you
Sometimes he likes to eat glue
Honestly Frew, how could you?
Sometimes he enjoys a nice pair of shoes
But not to wear on his feet, but to eat
Stop this Frew
No can do
Even though I am his creator, I do not know what to do
Frew Frew Frew
What am I gonna do with you?
Well, you see, you could give me some more bones to chew
Or some lovely tea
Tis very pleasing to me
I don't even know about myself mum
I shall stay like this until my time has come
For I am the only one
That you call your elfin son
Dialogues and Scripts:
The Bet
Four bucks are grazing on a slope near the road. Next to them is a bridge with a railroad on it. A rusty fence serves as a railing.
Josh: Psst, hey Perry. (Nudges Perry)
Perry: What
Josh: look who it is (indicates over yonder to a fifth buck waving)
Perry: Jeremy?
Jeremy: (from a distance) Hey guys!
(Waves and starts trotting towards the other bucks)
Josh: Hey Perry, lets mess with him.
Perry: Nah, Josh leave him be. He just wants to hang out with us.
Josh: imma dare him to jump from the rail
Perry: He’s not gonna do it Josh.
Josh: Oh he will (rubs hooves together) He will heeheehee
(Jeremy approaches)
Josh: Aaaaayyyy Jeremy! How ya been? (Fake smiles)
Jeremy: (excited) can i graze with you guys?!
Josh: (pulls Jeremy aside, Perry follows) Josh, as much as i love you, we cant JUST let you graze with us, you know? You gotta earn it my man (jabs Jeremy in chest)
Jeremy: Whatever it is, I’ll do it (serious face)
Josh: (points with hoof to bridge) You see that bridge?
Jeremy: Yes
Josh: i dare you to jump down from it.
Jeremy: Okay.
Perry: Whoah! Jeremy! You could get seriously hurt. Don’t do this. (Places hoof on Jeremy’s shoulder)
Jeremy: No, Perry. I hafta do this. It’s the only way. (Narrows eyes and shrugs off Perry’s hoof)
Josh: Atta boy!
(Jeremy starts trotting to the top of the slop and walks onto bridge. The other bucks gather. Perry whispers into another bucks ear)
Perry: Gerold, get you first aid kit
(Gerold the derp eyed buck makes a noise and salutes. He jumps in a different direction to fetch his first aid kit)
Jeremy: Hey guys!! Get a load of this!
(All look up. Peter leans into Josh)
Peter: He’s never gonna make it.
Josh: He will.
Peter: What if he succeeds? Are you really gonna let him graze with us?
Josh: We’ll see if he goes through with it. For now, we wait.
(Gerold returns with his kit in his mouth. Jeremy jumps off)
All: G A S B E !!!!
(Jeremy lands unharmed and is pumped)
Jeremy: IM A BBBBEEEEAAAASSSSSTTT!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! (Flexes and beats hooves on chest)
Perry: He’s a maniac!
Josh: Omigosh! Jeremy, that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!!!
Jeremy: Can i eat with you guys?!
Josh: My man, you can eat with us anytime you want! Especially after that stunt you pulled! You done good kid, you done good. (Nods head in approval)
Jeremy: YUSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Castle Infiltration Fail
Narrator (British accent): The scene opens to a dark night. The Castle of Mat stands tall and only a few lampposts are lit. A dark figure swiftly sticks to the shadows. His moves were impressive. He comes across the tall wooden door and wall that lead to the courtyard and the front entrance to the awesome castle. He scales it! Gaspbe! He lands without a sound (dude got some serious skillz) and his back is turned towards the front door. He turned around and stopped dead in his tracks! (Aw snap! He in trouble now!) there standing before him was a vertically impaired man(?),with a double chin,a cap on his little head,a walkie talkie, and coveralls with a little name tag that bore his name: Quinton.
Quinton, slowly raised his walkie talkie from his front chest pocket and said, “I’m gonna hafta report this.”
Before the figure could do anything, Quinton clicked the little button on his walkie talkie. SUDDENLY! Guards popped out of the bushes, jumped down from the trees that lined the courtyard, and circled the dark figure with their spears pointed towards him.
Guard #1: FREEZE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!
Guard #2: ITS A PLOT TO ASSASSINATE OUR.......leader?????? What is she, exactly?
Narrator: Guards 1-10 mumbled amongst themselves to determine what power their leader actually had.
Guard #5: i think we have a dictatorship
Guard #1: dictatorship?
Guard #7: She doesn’t seem like a dictator. She’s actually pretty nice.
Guard #3: Yeah! She gave me a raise.
Guard #8 and 9: W H A T ? !
Guard #10: (in scottish accent) A raise??! After all these years! Ive been here longer than you!
Guard #2: nonsense! If anyone deserves a raise it’s me!
Narrator: As the guards argued about who deserves a raise and who does not, the dark figure was regretting ever setting foot in the castle grounds and he was evaluating his life choices. He did all this while avoiding the sharp ends of the spears of the guards that were haphazardly jabbing towards him.
Quinton: Excuse me, but can you guys do your jobs?
Guard #1: Get out of here! Go do yours!
Quinton: i can’t until you leave. Im just the janitor.
Narrator: The guards looked at each other and back at Quinton the janitor holding a push broom. They bound the figure’s hands with rope and led him silently into the castle to be judged by their, surprisingly, dictator. Guard #10 turned his head and saw Quinton looking hard at the guards. Their eyes met and Quinton turned and started sweeping the grounds whilst whistling. The heavy door closed with an echoed thud. (Spoopy)
Air Conditioning
Narrator: (British accent) the dark figure was now in the dungeons. He sat with his back to the cold wall and his hands were cuffed above his head. There were two others in the cell with him. A revolutionary and an old man. The dark figure wanted to get out. He felt that he was sitting in the dark for about an eternity now. He wanted to leave. He missed orange juice. As he was contemplating about the delicious vitamin c rich drink, the revolutionary spoke.
Revolutionary: What are you in here for?
Narrator: The dark figure raised his head and hesitated to answer.
Dark Figure: i broke into the castle and i was ratted out by the janitor.
Narrator: The dark figure shifted to see the old man
Dark Figure: What are YOU in here for?
The Old Man: Me? Oh, i dunno.
Dark Figure: I don’t understand
The Old Man: im not actually a prisoner. No, i just hang around here. The guards dont notice anyways...so ye. The truth is, im not actually chained up so i wander here and there from time to time......ye.
Dark Figure: RELEASE US!
The Old Man: ...........nnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Narrator: the dark figure was getting irritated as the old man was picking at the ground and cleaning out his ear. Suddenly, a sound was heard by all three and the old man started giggling and prancing around.
The Old Man: ITS TIIIIMMMEEE HEEHEEHEE!!!
Narrator: they all turned to where the Old Man was and saw him placing his hands in the air. The cell got cold fairly quickly. The old man moved.
Dark Figure: Is that.....an air vent?
The Old Man: Pfft, well ye. This is a dungeon after all, not a torture chamber!
The Bet
Four bucks are grazing on a slope near the road. Next to them is a bridge with a railroad on it. A rusty fence serves as a railing.
Josh: Psst, hey Perry. (Nudges Perry)
Perry: What
Josh: look who it is (indicates over yonder to a fifth buck waving)
Perry: Jeremy?
Jeremy: (from a distance) Hey guys!
(Waves and starts trotting towards the other bucks)
Josh: Hey Perry, lets mess with him.
Perry: Nah, Josh leave him be. He just wants to hang out with us.
Josh: imma dare him to jump from the rail
Perry: He’s not gonna do it Josh.
Josh: Oh he will (rubs hooves together) He will heeheehee
(Jeremy approaches)
Josh: Aaaaayyyy Jeremy! How ya been? (Fake smiles)
Jeremy: (excited) can i graze with you guys?!
Josh: (pulls Jeremy aside, Perry follows) Josh, as much as i love you, we cant JUST let you graze with us, you know? You gotta earn it my man (jabs Jeremy in chest)
Jeremy: Whatever it is, I’ll do it (serious face)
Josh: (points with hoof to bridge) You see that bridge?
Jeremy: Yes
Josh: i dare you to jump down from it.
Jeremy: Okay.
Perry: Whoah! Jeremy! You could get seriously hurt. Don’t do this. (Places hoof on Jeremy’s shoulder)
Jeremy: No, Perry. I hafta do this. It’s the only way. (Narrows eyes and shrugs off Perry’s hoof)
Josh: Atta boy!
(Jeremy starts trotting to the top of the slop and walks onto bridge. The other bucks gather. Perry whispers into another bucks ear)
Perry: Gerold, get you first aid kit
(Gerold the derp eyed buck makes a noise and salutes. He jumps in a different direction to fetch his first aid kit)
Jeremy: Hey guys!! Get a load of this!
(All look up. Peter leans into Josh)
Peter: He’s never gonna make it.
Josh: He will.
Peter: What if he succeeds? Are you really gonna let him graze with us?
Josh: We’ll see if he goes through with it. For now, we wait.
(Gerold returns with his kit in his mouth. Jeremy jumps off)
All: G A S B E !!!!
(Jeremy lands unharmed and is pumped)
Jeremy: IM A BBBBEEEEAAAASSSSSTTT!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! (Flexes and beats hooves on chest)
Perry: He’s a maniac!
Josh: Omigosh! Jeremy, that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!!!
Jeremy: Can i eat with you guys?!
Josh: My man, you can eat with us anytime you want! Especially after that stunt you pulled! You done good kid, you done good. (Nods head in approval)
Jeremy: YUSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Castle Infiltration Fail
Narrator (British accent): The scene opens to a dark night. The Castle of Mat stands tall and only a few lampposts are lit. A dark figure swiftly sticks to the shadows. His moves were impressive. He comes across the tall wooden door and wall that lead to the courtyard and the front entrance to the awesome castle. He scales it! Gaspbe! He lands without a sound (dude got some serious skillz) and his back is turned towards the front door. He turned around and stopped dead in his tracks! (Aw snap! He in trouble now!) there standing before him was a vertically impaired man(?),with a double chin,a cap on his little head,a walkie talkie, and coveralls with a little name tag that bore his name: Quinton.
Quinton, slowly raised his walkie talkie from his front chest pocket and said, “I’m gonna hafta report this.”
Before the figure could do anything, Quinton clicked the little button on his walkie talkie. SUDDENLY! Guards popped out of the bushes, jumped down from the trees that lined the courtyard, and circled the dark figure with their spears pointed towards him.
Guard #1: FREEZE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!
Guard #2: ITS A PLOT TO ASSASSINATE OUR.......leader?????? What is she, exactly?
Narrator: Guards 1-10 mumbled amongst themselves to determine what power their leader actually had.
Guard #5: i think we have a dictatorship
Guard #1: dictatorship?
Guard #7: She doesn’t seem like a dictator. She’s actually pretty nice.
Guard #3: Yeah! She gave me a raise.
Guard #8 and 9: W H A T ? !
Guard #10: (in scottish accent) A raise??! After all these years! Ive been here longer than you!
Guard #2: nonsense! If anyone deserves a raise it’s me!
Narrator: As the guards argued about who deserves a raise and who does not, the dark figure was regretting ever setting foot in the castle grounds and he was evaluating his life choices. He did all this while avoiding the sharp ends of the spears of the guards that were haphazardly jabbing towards him.
Quinton: Excuse me, but can you guys do your jobs?
Guard #1: Get out of here! Go do yours!
Quinton: i can’t until you leave. Im just the janitor.
Narrator: The guards looked at each other and back at Quinton the janitor holding a push broom. They bound the figure’s hands with rope and led him silently into the castle to be judged by their, surprisingly, dictator. Guard #10 turned his head and saw Quinton looking hard at the guards. Their eyes met and Quinton turned and started sweeping the grounds whilst whistling. The heavy door closed with an echoed thud. (Spoopy)
Air Conditioning
Narrator: (British accent) the dark figure was now in the dungeons. He sat with his back to the cold wall and his hands were cuffed above his head. There were two others in the cell with him. A revolutionary and an old man. The dark figure wanted to get out. He felt that he was sitting in the dark for about an eternity now. He wanted to leave. He missed orange juice. As he was contemplating about the delicious vitamin c rich drink, the revolutionary spoke.
Revolutionary: What are you in here for?
Narrator: The dark figure raised his head and hesitated to answer.
Dark Figure: i broke into the castle and i was ratted out by the janitor.
Narrator: The dark figure shifted to see the old man
Dark Figure: What are YOU in here for?
The Old Man: Me? Oh, i dunno.
Dark Figure: I don’t understand
The Old Man: im not actually a prisoner. No, i just hang around here. The guards dont notice anyways...so ye. The truth is, im not actually chained up so i wander here and there from time to time......ye.
Dark Figure: RELEASE US!
The Old Man: ...........nnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Narrator: the dark figure was getting irritated as the old man was picking at the ground and cleaning out his ear. Suddenly, a sound was heard by all three and the old man started giggling and prancing around.
The Old Man: ITS TIIIIMMMEEE HEEHEEHEE!!!
Narrator: they all turned to where the Old Man was and saw him placing his hands in the air. The cell got cold fairly quickly. The old man moved.
Dark Figure: Is that.....an air vent?
The Old Man: Pfft, well ye. This is a dungeon after all, not a torture chamber!